November 20, 2013

Emotional Dump- 4 Things I Have Learned


I started this blog because I met a pretty stinkin awesome person (*ahem Sarah*) who had a blog. On a whim I thought "SO FUN, I WANNA DO THAT!" and this blog was born.


Forgotten was my past of writing in a journal literally everyday through elementary and middle school (oh man, are those a good laugh....I recorded EVERYTHING). Diaries, prayer journals, even a blog that I started about my journey through reading Purpose Driven Life...I can't remember a time when I didn't record my various thoughts, findings, inspirations, feelings.


What was new to me was the community I discovered through blogging. Amazing! After a little over a year, it still blows my mind that there are people our there who actually read this thing, let alone all the amazing women that I have "met" through this little blogging journey. I think I got caught up in the whirl-wind of the environment- giveaways, link-ups, sponsors, etc. and forgot why I write in the first place. Yes! It is lovely to know that people are reading. Yes! It feels amazing when people leave comments. But I've let myself back into the grade school mentality of wanting to be popular, writing what I think other people will want to read, instead of saying what I want to say.


SO, even thought I've been writing a lot, I haven't been posting. Its easier for me to formulate ideas when I'm simply trying to clear my head or organize all these new thoughts that I'm gathering instead of trying to entertain the masses with how phenomenal life in England is.


Background story: I'm in England (in Elmsted, the middle of nowhere, affectionately referred to as "the shire") for 6 calendar months, in the middle of week 8, studying flute with Trevor Wye. Just look him up if you're curious.


Sometimes (quite often) I get sad. Sometimes I want to go home. Often I want to cry because I miss my family and my dog. Every day I have to convince myself that this is the best thing for me and that Drew is doing just fine in Virginia and that he'll still be there waiting for me when I get back.


So, instead of rambling on Facebook like people often do, I'm going to write about how I feel on this blog. Because thats why I made it.


People keep telling me to keep my chin up, to embrace the fact that I'm experiencing this once in a life time opportunity. You're all correct! This is absolutely a once in a life time opportunity. And I don't want you to get the wrong idea- I am SO thankful and glad to be here. I have learned in 7.5 weeks more and differently than anything I had in mind and I am expectantly awaiting the next 4.5 months.


I have learned:


1) I didn't know ANYTHING.


Ok- thats a bit of an overstatement, Buuuuuut holy cow am I getting my behind kicked daily! If I can give you any advice it would be to get out of your comfort zone, no matter what it is that you do, and realize that you should never settle. Yes, you are talented and amazing and such passion and fire....but sometimes that isn't enough. Sometimes you are fooling yourself into thinking that being comfortable is good thing and that you have "arrived" but Oh Honey is there more out there for you! (maybe that was all referring to myself,,,,but I'm sure I'm not the only one)


2) I can do it.


For probably the first 3 weeks (AT LEAST) that I was here, I thought that there was absolutely no way in the entire universe that I was going to be able to survive these 6 months of ridiculously difficult flute life. I was asked to make changes in my flute playing that I didn't think were physically possible for me. I had musical/flute problems pointed out to me daily that I had never been presented with before. But now in week 7, I've overcome (for the most part) those problems from week 1-3 and I've moved on to tackle a whole set of new ones. But you know what? Thats growth.


3) Theres no place like home.


Thank goodness for the internet because I can't even imagine living in a separate country from my loved ones and only being able to communicate through letters and calling cards (although I do adore letters). Hooray phones and imessage and viber and facetime and facebook and all that good stuff, but theres something about being in a new country that makes you crave the closeness of family and friends that a phone call can't really fix.


4) God is faithful.


Weeks 1-3 presented themselves with no internet (we seriously though we would die) and many other challenges that were entirely new to me. I'm used to loving and nurturing professors, living with my best friends, a music school full of friendly faces, Drew being a three minute drive away, mom and dad driving three hours to see me in a heartbeat.... England doesn't have any of those comforts. Thank goodness my new roommates hear are fan-freakin-tastic, but thats another story altogether. In weeks 1-3 I probably cried more than I care to admit and told God daily that He was the only thing that would get me through these 6 months. Not only is He doing that, but I've had so much time to reflect on how He has delivered me this far. Seriously, from an 11th grader developing tendinitis to an undergrad who had to stop playing for months at a time for physical therapy, I've somehow made it this far and am still playing daily (almost) entirely pain free. Thank The Lord for that. I am so blessed to still be pursuing this path.


If you have read this far, you're such a trooper and I appreciate you more than you know! I've heard that you should always include at least one photo in each blog post, so please be blessed by this seriously miraculous sunset that I got to witness last week!!




  1. loved your openness and vulnerability in this post!!

  2. Chin up! And I forgot to tell you- I brought you back some goldfish from America! I just haven't had the chance to post them yet because I am in the middle of a horrendous flat hunt in London so as soon as I get settled in and unpacked, those babies will be in the mail to you! xx

  3. We do have some pretty awesome sunsets over here! I'm pretty sure God will bring you through all this and you will be super pleased you did it. Hope Trevor isn't pushing you too hard!!